Well, it’s time I got back to this page. If anyone has checked it out, you’ve probably noticed that I haven’t updated it much since I started. That’s about to change! Here come the regular updates!
I recently graduated with my MFA in Writing from SNHU. The program is incredible, and I’m glad to have been a part of it. Last summer, Jacquelyn Mitchard (who was a faculty fellow) ran a workshop. In that workshop, we took chunks of the Bible and rewrote them in the first, second, and third person. It was a blast (well, I had a little fun with it anyway) and I thought I’d share the result here:
You think this is easy? You think you can just snap your fingers and create Heaven and Earth? Well, if you’re God, you can. You flip the switch, and you get light—good to go. The explosion is awesome, and makes one hell of a bang.
There still isn’t much to look at, so you make both night and day by spinning the blue planet hanging in the third slot. Sometimes it faces the sun, and sometimes it doesn’t.
You want more? What are you going to do about it? Right now, you’ve got a spinning ball of water flying through space. Sure, you could create some underwater plants and coral, but what else? You need some land. No problem. You pull, drawing up a massive continent from beneath the water. It’s heavy, but it gives you what you need: another environment in which to create. Not too shabby.
You go on a gardening kick, creating grass, herbs, fruits, and all that good stuff. These change, growing and waning with the seasons you’ve created by making the planets orbit the Sun.
You’re particularly proud of the Sun, but you also like the Moon. You made it orbit the Earth as a little accent piece, like planetary jewelry, to light up the night a little. Earth, by the way, is what you call this third planet. You’re quite pleased with yourself, oh great creator of things.
As you measure them, you’re about four days into creation now, but still bored. So you throw some life into the mix. You think it’s easy to just pop creatures with brains into being? You think wiring a neural network together to form thought is a cake-walk? Again, you’re God. Creating things is kind of your bag. Snap your fingers, and you’ve got birds, fish, and even a few sea mammals. Pretty slick, huh?
You watch this all for a day, really enjoying it. You’re not really sure where you came up with the idea of “days” to measure time because you live in all times and all places. You shrug, not worrying about it because you’ve got an idea brewing in your head.
Day five brings back the boredom. So far, your creations have multiplied, mutated, and grown—and that’s great. Hell, you even smack them with a meteor once just to see what happens. Poor bastards.
This fifth day, however, is special. It’s this day you figure out the ultimate in reality entertainment—humans. You make them interesting, capable of conniving, loving, and fighting. You give them paradise, but you also give them free will. You rub your hands together maniacally as you consider the possibilities.
For fun, you make these humans look a little like you. They’re smaller, and a whole lot less omniscient, but you’re particularly proud of the free will thing. You bless them and send them on their way, warning them of bad apples.
I remember this! What fun.