As a woman married to THIS particular geek, I have a few words of my own. My OWN advice, if you will, on how to live amicably with a geek.
First off, the particular geek writing this blog is what I am terming an “ADD Geek”. His attentions are all over the place he finds, in my opinion, too many things to get excited about. This ultimately leads to the absent-mindedness. His interests include gaming (video, computer, RPG’s etc.), cars, politics, technology, tools, the English language (correcting EVERYONE’S grammar), writing and reading. I’m sure there are others, but I’ll add those at some point in the future when they come to me. Every time he opens his mouth, the words coming out have to do with one of these topics; none of which I have ANY interest in at all.
“So Amanda, what are your coping mechanisms?” you may ask. Here are a few ways that I have found to deal with (I mean live amicably with–silly me!) my own personal ADD Geek . . .
- Let them have their time- and make some time for yourself!
When your geek wants a little time to do their thing, this is NOT the time to go find something constructive to do- like housework (unless that IS your bag). I’ve tried this before and it only results in resentment. The running thought in my head the whole time was “Why am I doing all the work around here when he gets to have fun and relax!” Find something relaxing for yourself to do like watch bad TV, give yourself a mani/pedi, read a magazine, peruse Target or the Mall, etc. When you are finished, let your geek know it’s time to do something else, and both of you can get something constructive done together (housework, yard work or home projects).
- Tell your geek that it’s NOT OK to be absent-minded.
Yes, my personal geek has a lot on his mind all the time. Some of it may be important; some of it may be just geekery (like sitting around thinking about Quantum Physics when one is supposed to be helping to unload the van). I have a lot on my mind too- but household responsibilities are not excused because of a temporary brain fart. “Oh, I forgot” and “Don’t worry, I’ll get to it” and “It’s not like I forgot on purpose!” becomes extremely old and irritating very, very quickly. Briefly, allow your geek to know how irritating this is and, with as much self-control as you can muster up at the time, kindly remind them of the partnership they entered into with you and to please be more conscience of taking initiative. I’m clearly still working on this one.
- Attempt some of your geek’s interests- and show them some of yours as well.In a very sad attempt, I did try to play Halo. Once. It was tragic. I even tried playing RPG’s (pencil and paper role playing games–not the good kind). I’ve engaged in conversation about politics and occasionally I ask a question or two about cars. All of these were an attempt to broaden my horizons-which is always a good thing. There’s nothing wrong with trying something new. And the same goes for your geek. On rare occasions, we do go clothing or shoe shopping together. I’m sure he’d rather be having a root canal when we engage in this sort of activity, but is mildly open to articles of clothing that I choose for him and it always peaks his interest more when we find something that he looks good on him. We’ve learned that one of our favorite things to shop for is kitchen supplies, as we both love cooking. When both of you attempt new things, you are bound to find things you both enjoy and love doing together.
- Poke a little light-hearted fun at your geek’s habits.Sometimes a little satisfaction can go a long way. My geek is obsessed with the English language and feels the need to correct grammar. As annoying as this can get, I sometimes go out of my way to use double and if possible, triple negatives just to make him cringe. I don’t do it often, but when I get the chance, it makes me a little satisfied when I get the traditional eye roll. 🙂
I hope this all makes a little sense. I am also still trying to figure out many other aspects of living amicably with a geek and I am always open to suggestions. Opposites can definitely attract when you find some common ground with your geek, life is good!